tagged by the Mama

Okay, so Mama tagged me to do a "6 wierd things about me" post. But MOO HA!! I changed it to 20 because this is just way too much fun for 6. Here it is:

1. I lived in New Mexico twice, both in communal type situations. Both were strange "out there" desert towns. During this time I experienced donating plasma for survival, eating at a mission center where people got stabbed over seconds, panhandling for my dog's surgery, camping out in the mountains during a windstorm so strong it blew the tent right off of us, crossing into Mexico for a night of eeriness, meeting a naked family on burros out in the wild, driving 100mph or so it seemed in the rain with an indian named Gabriel, living on a wildlife reserve, hanging out with locals in the trailer park who had stories such as their wife being found hacked to pieces in the desert, working at a Dairy Queen where I had to holler into the dumpster to make sure I didn't throw garbage on a local, and being introduced to psychedelic drugs, of which I am not proud. In no way do I endorse any of this. In fact, the "wierd" part about this one, is that I thought for the longest time that we had found utopia down there when in fact, this was the saddest darkness..

2. I was responsible for accidentally gouging a nearly 100 year old woman's leg open to the point of fat globules being visible. This was in the nursing home I worked at, and machine malfunction was the culprit. She was my favorite Gertrude and forgave me because she made me promise to take out my nose ring and I did. On this note, another wierd thing I suppose would be that I am horribly obsessed with the elderly and find them more precious than gold.

3. I first talked with my husband 10 years after I met him. He was the dishboy, I was a hostess, and he was so gorgeous, but so scary then... Plus our age difference was a bit more awkward when I was 15 and he 19. It's a long and beautiful story of God bringing together two He appointed from the beginning of time..

4. I once barfed up a barbie head that I was chewing on. Her hair dangled down my throat and gagged me. Pool of 7-layer dinner with a barbie head floating in the middle, mmm..

5. I have the name Mike carved on the inside of my ankle and a cross carved on the top of my wrist. Apparently I felt real serious about God and Mike during my dark gothic days.. Mike dumped me because I wouldn't sleep with him when I was 15, and God is my best friend now who would never want me to hurt myself to show Him my love.

6. I like to jump into ice cold mountain rivers.

7. A large Norwegian man named Turbo broke my pinky toe when we were sparring in tae-kwon-do when I was ten. It's the only broken bone I've had. Earlier this week I dropped a can of frozen orange juice on my bare big toe and found myself in the fetal position on the floor crying and yet laughing because I was alone and it was ridiculous.

8. I had an unusual amount of head injuries as a child including: doing a slide move while dancing face first into a potted tree, deciding it would be a good idea to just walk off the end of the couch, taking my walkie for a stroll down the basement stairs head first, and having my brother pull me off the basinette twice as an infant, just to name a few.

9. I have an elastic belly that I can blow out to look about 8 months pregnant (although doing the classic Far Side "o" lips along with it is necessary).

10. I used to go off to the woods with my dog and just sleep anywhere. I'd always wake up to her heaving pink belly just above my face as she stood guard over me.

11. I very frequently have "In the Hall of the Mountain King" by Grieg going through my head. It was my childhood theme song.

12. I like to pick my husband's back pimples and groom him like a gorilla.

13. I lived out west in my van for 3 months once. I stayed with a conspiracy theorist in Montana who lived between a canyon. My first night there I took a bath in an old-fashioned washtub with water heated over the fire under the stars while listening to mountain sheep make tiny avalanches.

14. When I was a kid I killed a mockingbird with a slingshot and cried all day about it. I buried him on top of a stump.

15. I snot all year round and keep a box of kleenex in every room of the house.

16. I once made my earthly father my god, but now I know the real God and have figured out that my dad's not perfect.

17. I once nearly died in the back of a cave from asphyxiation from our fire..

18. I love Mallo Cups and am secretly collecting the point cards that are inside to one day find out if an old Mallo Cup warehouse exists out there with just the right little prize for me.

19. I constantly see things in other things. Like the giant smokestack in town isn't a smokestack but a large angry worm with beady red eyes. And this press at work turns into Darth Vader when the little helmet comes down to seal the part.. I don't know if it's the past drugs or just the huge imagination I never let go of, but I enjoy it and so does my husband.

20. I used to think my parents were insane lunatics that needed help for being Christians and I hated them for praying for me. Now I pray for my lost friends...

the horror...

My mother-in-law never fails to send me the most terrifying pictures the mind could ever hope to endure. Most recently, "painted kitties"... These two are particularly devastating to me. I loathe clowns and really don't care for the feline species due to severe allergies (with the exception of Tommy of course, being part dog and all). Therefore, these dreadful pictures... Also, I can't imagine a creature alive that would go for a painting around the "rectal area".. Poor thing. Was there squirming involved? Was he/she motionless in utter shame? (One can only hope that this is some computer special effect).
This week has been full of rejoicing in the little stuff. God gave me this crazy $75 car that starts like a hero and gets me around every day! I actually missed having a junker and I just appreciate this one so much. Would be a chilly walk to work without it, that's for sure. It's even got the quintessential musty gorilla odor, mmm. We dubbed it "Leper", for it's amazing salt-licked paint job (much more humane than the cat's). Hey, I've never wondered about the word "humane" before. My husband is sitting here explaining it's roots to me. Apparently, it comes from human or something? Like humans have some sort of moral or ethical standard so impressive that we derive a word for their likeness that means merciful? I'm sorry but I beg to differ. Humans with God's beauty and Spirit in their hearts, now that's a whole different story.. But left to themselves, read a newspaper! WE GOT OUR PLANE TICKETS!!!!! The Philippines is becoming very very real nowadays. This is no longer a year away and it makes the heart pound. Tim was on the site when the airline opened the seat selections. He had the entire plane to choose from! We got two by two seats in the back, hence, no poor stranger having to be a third next to the married couple. Very exciting. Isn't it frustrating when the names you think of for a possible future child have the same first letter as the first letter of your last name? We both keep coming up with C's or K's! Brady was all about Clive the other day. No way... He just brought home the most delicious grocery store freezer pizza: Bellatoria's ultra thin crust, Margherita style. Roma tomotoes, mozz and asiago cheese, creamy garlic alfredo sauce, sun dried tomatoes, spices, YUMMMMM! It tasted organic and gourmet! I highly recommend, for those of you with as little spare time as us and appreciate a good throw in the oven 15 minute deal every now and then. Anyways, man I get long winded. It's bedtime for this creature of the night.

Reminders...

Hmmmmm. I wonder if I'll ever stop the strange old hermit habits... Here's the struggle: the selfish flesh-monster in me rears up and I want to run for the hills, literally! Seriously get in the car and just keep going (I know I'm the only one that ever thinks this right?).. So, I was overwhelmed with these ridiculous thoughts when lo and behold, here's what I found in my devotions. I happened to be in Psalm 55 where David says, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Indeed, I would wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest."

So I was all, hey AMEN David! And wow, he had the same wild escape thoughts that I have sometimes. EXCEEEEEEEEPT, his "storm" he was trying to escape was people that wanted to kill him! My "storm" is myself!!! Storm is such a good word to describe it too. Temper flares, stubborn outbursts, a whirlwind of selfishness! Anyways, what would I escape? The amazing man that God gave me to marry? The loving and beautiful church family I am privileged to know and be a part of? My ministry that is EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS?... I write this with all joy. God gave me a fresh and wonderful reminder these last few days of just how much I have. I'll never get tired of Tim's marriage counsel, try to always think "what if they died tomorrow and this was your last day with them..." How would you want to have treated them? What would you wish you had said? And make this your every day. Best advice I have ever received. I carry that close in my heart and think of it often. I'm so glad Jesus lets me see through His eyes of peace. I'm so intolerant and just plain rude on my own. At the root of me without God is a crotchity old hermit and that's just plain ugly... Oh ya, the posted pics are to emphasize my point here. Do I really want to be the lonely lady of the woods like the one, or be in constant praise for the wife I get to be in the other? Hmm. Also, I will keep sabotaging this blog with springtime green wooded photos whenever possible as we hunker down in the sub-zero dead season.. There's a beauty in winter for sure, but I've had my fill. It's time for swimming in rivers and pitching tents in the woods and having campfires under the stars! Bring on the thaw God!

p.s. if Ashley reads this, Hello sweetie!

Nightmare Hippy Girl Barbie (inspired by Robocarp)

Yes indeed. Nightmare Hippy Girl Barbie is a hard one to find. A sold-out treasure in Missoula, Montana, Fort Collins, Colorado, and Weed, California, she's a fast travelin' lady for sure. NHG Barbie comes with 3 sets of homemade patchwork clothes, and only three-that's all she's got. Don't look for any shoes, this girl is barefoot for a reason. Hair dreading instructions included, or braiding if you prefer. She has her own djembe drum (although she's never learned to play) and crazy loads of hemp jewelry for sale. You won't find any bunk "stash" on this girl, designer goods only man.. Her platform she uses for tree sit-ins is sold separately, along with a "crash" couch that you can move along to and from friends' houses. A collector's set of her favorite reads is available for a limited time, including: Anarchist's Cookbook, The Monkeywrench Gang, Vegetarian Cookbook, Grateful Dead Family Album, and loads of her own poetry. Wind up the dial on her back, and she'll sing "Bobby McGee" til the cows come home. In her pockets, you will find ambitious letters to various government agencies addressing all sorts of social woes, directions to the next Rainbow Gathering, and a hand-drawn "will work for food" sign for her long days of panhandling. Her japanese symbol for peace and fairy atop a mushroom tattoos can be found on her shoulder and lower back Hula hoop, tarot cards, incense, and sweet baby blue Chacos included. "I Was Born A Ramblin' Man" Ken, "Freebird" Ken, and or "Love The One You're With" Ken may or may not be found.

*Thought I'd include part of Beck's lyrics for "Nightmare Hippy Girl" as an ode to NHG Barbie and for those of you who haven't been blessed enough to have heard this song:

"she's a nightmare hippy girl, she's a whimsical, tragical beauty uptight and a little bit snooty ... oh, oh, oh ... she's a magical, sparklin' tease she's a rainbow chokin'' the breeze yo, she's bustin' out onto the scene with nightmare bogus poetry she's a melted avocado on the shelf she's the science of herself she's spazzing out on a cosmic level and she's meditating with the devil she's cooking salad for breakfast she's got tofu the size of Texas she's a witness to her own glory she's a never-ending story she's a frolicking depression she's a self-inflicted obsession she's got a thousand lonely husbands she's playin' footsie in another dimension she's a goddess milking her time for all that it's worth"...
-No offense intended towards anyone. I've been accused of being rather nightmare hippyish myself, although I deny it all, to the grave... Don't get me wrong, I love the woods and all in it, worthy music, good whole foods, original clothing and stuff, but I am definately not Webster's New World Dictionary's hippie:
hippie= (hip'e) n. [slang] a young person who, in his alienation from conventional society, has turned to mysticism, psychedelic drugs, communal living, etc.
Unfortunately this used to be me... NO MORE, Moo ha!

bible trees

I've always been curious about some trees that are spoken of in the Bible, what they looked like and stuff. So I found some pictures. The conjoined tree is a fig, and the other is an acacia tree. This may be old hat information to ye all, but I was totally fascinated. The fig tree's title was "Married", because it's conjoined as you can see. It got me to thinking a whole lot about my marriage... This lady at work asked me out of the blue, "What's the #1 thing you love about your husband?" I told her, "that he loves Jesus." She immediately responded with, "well fine then, what's the second thing." As if loving Jesus wasn't worth mentioning and didn't satisfy as a real answer! It's quite impossible to explain to someone of the world how Jesus is everything in the relationship and that a man just can't be a husband without Him. Everything else seemed so silly to comment on because everything I love in Brady comes from Jesus anyways! So anyways...this "Marriage" fig tree. Reminds me of what a good marriage should have. Deep roots that take tiiiiiime, co-dependent for survival, happy to share space, stronger together than apart... I've been asking God to show me stuff about being a wife that I'd rather ignore these days. I want to recognize the unconscious fleshy things that I do that cause division in our little household. It's so easy to act as if I'm still single and forget that another of God's creations lives right there by my side, a precious gift. God is so good at answering those tough prayers... ug. I guess our roots are just starting. What an amazing "conjoining" I get to work on for as long as God decides to let us be sojourners together here on earth. Well, "Kapoy ko" (I'm tired). Glad tidings ye all..
p.s. I know there's a whole lot of types of acacia trees, but according to geographic reasoning, the one I pictured above is likely the kind used for the making of the Ark. Noah must have felled an entire forest er something!