tagged by the Mama

Okay, so Mama tagged me to do a "6 wierd things about me" post. But MOO HA!! I changed it to 20 because this is just way too much fun for 6. Here it is:

1. I lived in New Mexico twice, both in communal type situations. Both were strange "out there" desert towns. During this time I experienced donating plasma for survival, eating at a mission center where people got stabbed over seconds, panhandling for my dog's surgery, camping out in the mountains during a windstorm so strong it blew the tent right off of us, crossing into Mexico for a night of eeriness, meeting a naked family on burros out in the wild, driving 100mph or so it seemed in the rain with an indian named Gabriel, living on a wildlife reserve, hanging out with locals in the trailer park who had stories such as their wife being found hacked to pieces in the desert, working at a Dairy Queen where I had to holler into the dumpster to make sure I didn't throw garbage on a local, and being introduced to psychedelic drugs, of which I am not proud. In no way do I endorse any of this. In fact, the "wierd" part about this one, is that I thought for the longest time that we had found utopia down there when in fact, this was the saddest darkness..

2. I was responsible for accidentally gouging a nearly 100 year old woman's leg open to the point of fat globules being visible. This was in the nursing home I worked at, and machine malfunction was the culprit. She was my favorite Gertrude and forgave me because she made me promise to take out my nose ring and I did. On this note, another wierd thing I suppose would be that I am horribly obsessed with the elderly and find them more precious than gold.

3. I first talked with my husband 10 years after I met him. He was the dishboy, I was a hostess, and he was so gorgeous, but so scary then... Plus our age difference was a bit more awkward when I was 15 and he 19. It's a long and beautiful story of God bringing together two He appointed from the beginning of time..

4. I once barfed up a barbie head that I was chewing on. Her hair dangled down my throat and gagged me. Pool of 7-layer dinner with a barbie head floating in the middle, mmm..

5. I have the name Mike carved on the inside of my ankle and a cross carved on the top of my wrist. Apparently I felt real serious about God and Mike during my dark gothic days.. Mike dumped me because I wouldn't sleep with him when I was 15, and God is my best friend now who would never want me to hurt myself to show Him my love.

6. I like to jump into ice cold mountain rivers.

7. A large Norwegian man named Turbo broke my pinky toe when we were sparring in tae-kwon-do when I was ten. It's the only broken bone I've had. Earlier this week I dropped a can of frozen orange juice on my bare big toe and found myself in the fetal position on the floor crying and yet laughing because I was alone and it was ridiculous.

8. I had an unusual amount of head injuries as a child including: doing a slide move while dancing face first into a potted tree, deciding it would be a good idea to just walk off the end of the couch, taking my walkie for a stroll down the basement stairs head first, and having my brother pull me off the basinette twice as an infant, just to name a few.

9. I have an elastic belly that I can blow out to look about 8 months pregnant (although doing the classic Far Side "o" lips along with it is necessary).

10. I used to go off to the woods with my dog and just sleep anywhere. I'd always wake up to her heaving pink belly just above my face as she stood guard over me.

11. I very frequently have "In the Hall of the Mountain King" by Grieg going through my head. It was my childhood theme song.

12. I like to pick my husband's back pimples and groom him like a gorilla.

13. I lived out west in my van for 3 months once. I stayed with a conspiracy theorist in Montana who lived between a canyon. My first night there I took a bath in an old-fashioned washtub with water heated over the fire under the stars while listening to mountain sheep make tiny avalanches.

14. When I was a kid I killed a mockingbird with a slingshot and cried all day about it. I buried him on top of a stump.

15. I snot all year round and keep a box of kleenex in every room of the house.

16. I once made my earthly father my god, but now I know the real God and have figured out that my dad's not perfect.

17. I once nearly died in the back of a cave from asphyxiation from our fire..

18. I love Mallo Cups and am secretly collecting the point cards that are inside to one day find out if an old Mallo Cup warehouse exists out there with just the right little prize for me.

19. I constantly see things in other things. Like the giant smokestack in town isn't a smokestack but a large angry worm with beady red eyes. And this press at work turns into Darth Vader when the little helmet comes down to seal the part.. I don't know if it's the past drugs or just the huge imagination I never let go of, but I enjoy it and so does my husband.

20. I used to think my parents were insane lunatics that needed help for being Christians and I hated them for praying for me. Now I pray for my lost friends...